It’s been just over a week since I got the news that this round had failed and I want to say a huge thank you to anyone who has sent a message checking in to see how I’m doing.
I’ve been back at work this week and that kept me fairly busy but I have had some weepy moments when talking or thinking about things too much. Mainly because I am feeling pretty much that I’ve had my shot at this with my own eggs (mainly because of the financial cost [approx £7k for this round!!!] balanced out with the percentage likelihood of it working). But I have no real news to share because really I’m just in limbo waiting for my follow up appointment on 16th July to see if my consultant can give me an update on what exactly happened and how this affects my chances.
I have not been good with food since – at all. I ended up not going to my Slimming World group this week as I had had enough of talking to/crying at people about all this in the day. I thought of it as self preservation of tear ducts. Instead I ordered pizza which I did regret. I really haven’t been bothered to cook. Although I wasn’t in much pain immediately after egg Collection on either the Wednesday or Thursday I had stabbing pain on my right abdomen and back Friday and Saturday. This pain has receded since but definitely worsens or comes back a little when bloated or constipated. Pizza did not help that fact. Back to group on Monday to face the scales and hopefully crack back on.
My period appeared yesterday – which obviously I knew would happen but actually having it arrive is more disappointing than usual. Really hoping it’s not as bad as last month’s – although at least I can take tranmexic acid this time which helps manage heavy bleeding. I can’t help debating if I would prefer to be in the midst of the two week wait and it appear but I think having things fail before was probably a blessing.
I have made the difficult decision to put in a complaint to the clinic about the mix up with the embryologist. This mistake did make this more traumatic and I just want to make sure they review things so it doesn’t happen to anyone else. It won’t change anything for me but part of me sharing is the hopes that I can help someone else.
One discovery I made was that I really couldn’t cope without my antihistamines – at least at this time of year – and I’ve still been a sneezing wreck even taking them. I’ll need to arrange an appointment with my GP to review the safety of those medications during IVF/Pregnancy and to see if there are any alternatives.
I’ve had some comments that have said that I’m brave in sharing but that’s not how I see it. For me writing is a way of helping me to make sense of things. It’s a form of self care. It was more odd at the very start of the process where I wasn’t sharing.
For me women who go through this keeping everything to themselves are the brave ones. But really we all do what we must to survive.
I’ll be back around the 16th to share my next steps. In the meantime there will be boo reviews again.
Went in for my scan this morning and I have one follicle at 22mm (20mm Friday) and 1 at 16mm (14mm Friday). Even have a sneaky one at 6mm (not that that’s going to do anything). Lining is up to 9.3mm and oestrogen levels up to just over 900 (as of Friday bloods!). Ideally I think they should be 1000 but have had some more blood today and was given the option to go ahead or to cancel. At this question I burst into tears… and I was doing so well at holding things together.
As my response to the maximum dose stimulation has not been that great it’s hard to know if I would respond worse or slightly better on a future cycle. My age and my AMH are not really on my side and I am only really ever going to be looking at 2-3 eggs on a cycle of stimulation.
Things are indicating hopefully the presence of one egg and it could be that there is two. We won’t know until I go ahead.
So I’m going for it. For full IVF. I think I will always regret it if I don’t.
Tonight (Monday) I take my last doses of Busceralin and Merional as usual and then my trigger shot of Ovitrelle at 23.30.
Tomorrow no jabs required just a relaxing day.
Wednesday will be the day of egg collection so nothing to eat or drink from midnight and an early trip up to London with huge thanks to my parents for accompanying me.
General Anaesthetic and a long needle later and when I wake up they should be able to tell me how many eggs were successfully collected. 2, 1 or 0.
Whatever the outcome, the benefit of going ahead is that I will have more information. They will be able to look at the quality of any eggs collected and also determine if they fertilise when the sperm is led into a Petri dish to say hello.
I’ll check back in at some point on Wednesday. Still more stages to go (I hope). If you are following my journey thank you. It’s an ongoing one, full of uncertainty that I don’t think will be over until you are holding a baby. Then the fun would begin!!