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Telling a donor conceived child how they came to be

I know I’m early in the process (Switching from Fostimon to Merional today) so this post is jumping the gun, but if I am lucky enough to have success with IVF I have every intention of telling any child how they came to be and this was one of the things I chose to discuss in my counselling sessions so I thought I’d share my early thoughts on this here.

I am hugely interested in the concept of identity and have studied the whole nature/nurture debates as part of my training as an Occupational Therapist.

I think there are some similarities between this and telling children they have been adopted however I suspect that the question of parentage is likely to come up if I remain single (especially after sex education lessons at school).

As I noted in my previous post I actually have a fair amount of information about the donor I have selected and I have every intention of sharing this with a child when it is appropriate.

I think the earlier you start and the more you can normalise something hopefully the more natural children will find it. How I will do this and at what age I think would depend on the specific child and how they relate to the world. General comments can be made at any time but I think being open and honest at the point questions are asked will be the most important thing.

Also I think it will be important to clarify the difference between the concept of a donor and a father/dad.

There are a few support websites that include stories from parents and also donor conceived children. One account from a donor conceived woman I read initially said she didn’t understand why donors had to be open because she had never felt the need to contact her donor, but then on reflection she acknowledged that everyone is different and having that option available might be necessary for some.

Donor Conception Network

Does anyone reading have any experience or advice with regards this topic?

Some picture book recommendations from a friend:

Little Treasure

The Little Pea that was Me

Why Don’t I Have a Daddy?

Back to the books tomorrow with the Blog tour for Double Felix by Sally Harris. Next IVF update will be after my scan on Wednesday.

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